Is Self-Care Selfish?

As you read this post, remember that your children and stepchildren are watching you. They are learning about life by mimicking you. This should spur you on to better practices in self-care!

What is self-care? It is an intentional activity done in order to take care of our spiritual, mental, emotional and physical health. It is often the first activity a mom or stepmom will erase from her to-do list in order to address the needs of others in her home.

Find a balance. Too often the scales tip to one side or the other.

We may tend to be super sacrificial and all of our decisions and money and time are for our children. (notice, I didn’t say for the benefit of our children because doting on them is not as beneficial as you might think) In the long run, modeling balance is much better for them.

Other moms seem to selfishly schedule their time, money and decisions only on themselves and on what brings them happiness, albeit temporary happiness.

I have a challenge for you. Rest, refuel, fill your cup - or whatever you want to call it and find a God-given balance in your life.

Refueling looks different for each of us. For some, hiking a quiet trail may be just what you need but personally, that would exhaust me!

Here are few ideas to help begin your brainstorming efforts. Most of these ideas can be implemented during the current quarantine but some will have to wait just a bit longer.

1. Get a good night’s sleep! You may be one of those that require a little intentionality in this area. A simple google search will give you plenty of suggestions including such things as – reducing screen time before bed, limiting caffeine, warm bath etc.

2. Exercise! Go for a walk, grab your yoga mat, or try that hiking trail you keep meaning to take.

3. Eat whole foods that help you feel better and say no to excessive sugar and processed foods. Try sitting down at the table without your phone or the tv and actually enjoy your meal. (plus it's better for the digestive system!)

4. Say “no” to someone or something that drains you. This is especially hard for those of us who live to please others. There is an art to saying “no” and it gets easier with practice. The most freeing thing I learned about turning down invitations was that I don’t owe an explanation. I can just politely and very briefly decline. “Thank you for asking but I have to decline at this time.” Something that simple leaves little room for you to get backed into a corner.

5. Say yes to something new or something you once enjoyed. This could be a weekend with the girls or a charity or ministry that you would like to plug into.

6. Read an encouraging book (or blog) that renews your faith. There are so many out there to choose from. I am currently reading a few books, two of which are: In the Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day by Mark Batterson, and The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile. As soon as this pandemic passes – and it will – I mean to spend an entire day at my local library soaking in the quiet and the smell of ink on the pages of thousands of books! The library atmosphere offers me rest, there are times I write and never even take a book off the shelf.

7. Have some fun! Explore a city near your home. Hit some antique shops, have lunch at a local restaurant or a food truck, shop a farmer’s market, grab a blanket and a good book and head to the park, check out your local high school or college and take in a game or a play, get behind the wheel of a bumper car, try an escape room or one of a thousand other ideas. Just do something, especially if it causes you to laugh out loud or smile from ear to ear.

8. Bring fresh flowers home for the table or for your desk at work (flowers make me happy!) You can find a decent bouquet at your grocery store for under $20 or you may even find wildflowers free for the picking.

9. Write notes and express your love and thankfulness to others. Out of your comfort zone? It doesn’t have to be poetic, a simple note expressing the fact that you are thinking of them or that you are grateful for them is all it takes. Just do it – that’s another one that gets easier with practice.

10. Start a gratitude notebook (you won’t believe how many things you can come up with to write in there!) Don’t make it stressful and expect to write in it daily – just leave it laying in sight and pick it up occasionally to add something or to review past thoughts. Maybe you could even create a “Family Gratitude Notebook” and leave it in the living room for the whole family to use. How encouraging would that be!

11. Hug your kids, hold your husband’s hand, cuddle (human touch has actually been proven to improve health!) Yes, I realize we are practicing social distancing right now.

12. Take the time to organize and prepare – organize your thoughts, your calendar, your closet or whatever feels out of control at the moment. Even the act of organizing can be relaxing and energizing. Think how great you will feel when you walk into your closet and can actually find what you are looking for!

13. Soak in a hot bath – light a candle and play your favorite music and relax for half an hour or so. You might want to warn your family and encourage them (just short of threatening harm) to allow you this brief time. It really does seem that the minute you close the bathroom door every crisis imaginable comes to life in your home.

You will find that taking a few moments to care for your needs will often give you a burst of energy and stamina to better care for others.

Does the Bible address self-care? Absolutely it does! You won’t find that terminology, but you will find examples and commands that tell us to rest and to renew our minds.

Let’s start with the fact that following creation, God took the seventh day to rest (Genesis 2:2-3) and told us to take a Sabbath, a day set aside to rest and worship. (Exodus 20:8-11) By the way, the word Sabbath is mentioned 172 times in the Bible – must be pretty important!

Jesus took time away from teaching and healing to get alone and pray. Matthew 14:22-23, Luke 6:12-13, Mark 6:30-32, and Luke 22:41 are just a few examples. If you read over these passages you will find that Jesus, besides keeping the Sabbath which according to Luke 4:16 was his practice, also put some distance between himself and others to rest and pray – in some cases, preparing and other times recuperating.

Romans 12:2 tells us to be about the renewing of our minds – which will require us to pull away from the world and the things of the world and focus on Jesus. I understand that not everything that busies us is bad – it is often something good, yet we still need to step away at times.

We are to care for our bodies as they are the temple of the Holy Spirit (I Cor. 3:16-17)– we are also told to love our neighbors as ourselves. (Mark 12:30-31). This indicates that we are to love our bodies, the creation of God, and to care for it in order to show that love and care for our neighbors.

Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup!

Our greatest source of rest and refreshment ultimately comes from our connection and relationship with God - so be sure that you are prioritizing spending time in His presence by reading His Word and finding rest in Him.

The next time you feel selfish taking time to fuel up – pause and consider how far your car would run on an empty tank. It's really no different for us!

Refueling prepares us to better serve Him and others, beginning in our own home with those we have been entrusted with.

Until next time, step gracefully!