Leave the Light on!

Looking through a journal from my early years as a step mom I came across an entry that caught my attention.

I was writing out an exercise in which I “broke down” feelings and concerns that were overwhelming me into bite size portions. Once I identified them, I answered them with personal action items to help me deal with each problem. (It turned out to be several pages long!)

One specific area dealt with some hurt and pain I was feeling from a couple of kids at the time. I was feeling offended, hurt, angry, confused, and taken for granted. Sound familiar?

My personal action item for that issue read: “I need to make sure that my words reflect love and that I keep the light on in my heart for them. I need to pray earnestly for them every day. I need to ask God to daily renew my love for them.”

I knew that I needed to focus on things that I could control (not their actions) and think beyond the nose on my face.

A mantra I remember hearing a lot in my younger days was – you can’t control another's action, but you can control your reaction. In the moment it can be very hard to feel grace, patience and love for someone who is causing you pain.

Practice actively looking for ways to embrace grace when dealing with your step children. “Practice makes perfect” may not actually be true, however, good habits are born through repetition.

There are countless ways to show grace in those difficult moments. Sometimes, it simply means holding your tongue! (Even if you have to quietly and stealthily escape to your room for a few minutes.)

It could also mean that you spend an extra few minutes helping them with a homework assignment, saying I love you even if they don't say it back, a goodnight hug, a smile across the table and most importantly - offering forgiveness even when they don't ask.

Several years have transpired since that journal entry. I can tell you that those relationships have flourished! Take courage in that and don't give up!

It is my hope and prayer that all of my children know that I love them and will always leave the light on in my heart.

Until next time: Step Gracefully!