It's Senior Night - What is My Role Anyway?

There are so many “hardest things” in the life of a step-mom. I suppose the hardest thing is whatever you are currently struggling with. For me, on this particular day it was the question: “What is my role anyway?”

This post was actually written over a year ago when Owen, our youngest, was a Senior in High School.

As a step mom, your life can be quite the roller coaster. Get ready to lose your stomach on the next huge dip, it is likely right around the corner.

My husband and I have one child left in the home now. Our son lives with us full time and has for a few years now. He’s a senior and a varsity football player.

I mention the football part because we are quickly approaching Senior Night, in which football seniors and their parents are recognized before the game. Seems simple enough, right? Well, if you are saying that, or even thinking it, you probably aren’t in a blended family with both bio parents living in the same city.

Our high school has quite a few traditions, traditions that are fantastic if you are in an intact family of origin, but they are often another mine field that blended families must carefully and painfully navigate. Don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting that the world revolve around blended families. That doesn’t change the fact that for the millions of us living in a blended family, it’s another opportunity for hurt feelings and disappointments.

I have some idea of just how uncomfortable it can be since we just went through this last year with another son.

You just can't seem to win for loosing.

• The Decorating of the Senior's locker - wouldn't it be nice if we could work together (bio mom and me) to decorate his locker for him?

• The whole mom wears the son’s jersey tradition, so what should step-mom wear?

• Where do I stand as we walk out onto the field? Do we each take an arm and dad stand beside me or do I stand on the outside with dad on his arm (awkward)?

• When the names are read, will I be listed with dad or tagged onto the end like a clumsy after thought?

• Will he include step-siblings as his family or only birth siblings?

You see, every celebration can be fraught with turmoil. The one who most suffers is the child. I bet he never wishes more than on occasions like this one, that he was from a “normal” home and his blended mess of a life wasn’t put on display for the entire school!

Tomorrow your son won’t remember what you wore to senior night. He won’t remember if you held onto his arm or stood on the outside. What he will remember is how he felt that night. Do everything you can to make good memories for him. After all, it is supposed to be about him.

Whatever your relationship with bio mom is - just smile, hide your fangs and be present for him. Don’t be concerned with what she thinks or how she is acting. You choose the high road.

You are likely going to have your heart hurt - especially if you are mom for the everyday things and she is mom for the celebrations and milestones. Don't let it affect your relationship with your husband or with the children. Remember, they are just that ... children … and they aren’t thinking about life from your perspective. That is way too much for them to handle so you handle it and handle it with grace and dignity and above all, with a parental sacrificial love.

Until Next Time: Step Gracefully